Money and Relationships Series: Are You Unfaithful?
Infidelity doesn’t always involve an affair. Although, many consider financial infidelity to be just as bad! Financial infidelity involves financial actions or secrets that prevent couples from reaching their shared vision.
Financial infidelity correlates to lower marital and life satisfaction and, in the most extreme cases, could ruin your finances. Financial infidelity is so damaging because it can wreck your credit score, wipe out savings or college funds, prevent you from reaching financial goals, destroy trust in your relationship, and much more. It is also no secret that financial issues are one of the main causes of divorce, and financial infidelity can cause damage that lasts long after the relationship ends.
Let’s dive deeper into what it means to be financially unfaithful.
Examples of financial infidelity:
Opening secret bank accounts or credit cards
Making large purchases without communicating with your partner
Not paying bills and hiding it from your partner
Splurging on addictions such as gambling or shopping
Wiping out joint accounts
Not disclosing bonuses, raises, or inheritance
Why Does It Occur?
People commit financial infidelity for many reasons, but issues with trust are among the most common. Maybe you don’t agree with how your partner handles money. Maybe they’re a spender and you’re a saver, or maybe they’ve made financial mistakes in the past that caused you concern and now you feel the need to hide money from them. Or it could be the opposite—you fear your partner will judge you negatively because of your spending habits or purchases, so you have a secret credit card to purchase things without your partner knowing. Or maybe you simply make large purchases without consulting your partner first. (It’s easier to ask for forgiveness than permission, right?)
Seventy-five percent of American couples say financial deceit has had an impact on their relationship. If you are currently being financially unfaithful, it’s time to come clean. I know this is easier said than done, but here are a few tips to help you get started.
Solving the Problem
Prep your partner for the conversation by letting them know that you need a judgment-free zone. Tell your partner that you are afraid and need support.
Be prepared to share! Once financial trust is broken, it may take full disclosure of all your financial information to rebuild that trust. This could mean sharing your credit score, student loan balance, etc.
Consider having a mediator join the conversation. If the situation is really extreme, such as having lost your family’s savings because of a bad investment, it may be wise to work with a financial adviser who can help you and your partner move forward with ideas on how to recover financially.
Seek professional help to identify the root cause of the issue. Therapy may reveal why you’re unable to trust your partner, and therefore have committed financial infidelity. It can also help solve problems such as depression or low self-esteem, which can cause people to overspend because they’re trying to buy happiness or believe that material things will make them feel better. For instance, if your partner cheated on you in the past, you could be dealing with self-esteem issues as a result. These problems may lead you to overspend on makeup, hair appointments, and fancy clothes in an effort to feel more confident.
Finally, and most importantly, be sure to discuss your financial goals with one another. This includes deciding together how to fix whatever act of financial infidelity has been committed, such as how you plan to pay off the secret credit card balance.
If you desire to achieve your financial goals and vision with your partner, it is best to avoid financial infidelity. As in most cases, open communication about money and finances is the answer. Avoid keeping financial secrets and discuss your financial goals often!
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